Rory Reid
Rory's earliest memory is of taking the back off his radio to see what was inside. His mum wasn't happy. Nowadays he breaks other people's stuff for a living: the latest laptops and even high-tech automobiles crumble and die at his hands.
Thursday 13 August 2009, 1:04pm
Oh, so Now, I'm famous?
Last week I ended up on Now magazine's gossip Web site next to Kelly Osbourne -- with half my face cropped off. The picture elevated my right eyeball to previously unseen levels of stardom, but with the rest of my body feeling a little unwanted, I retaliated by posting my own version of the picture with half of Kelly's face missing. Nobody disrespects the left side of Rory Reid's face.
Today, it appears Now has seen the error of its ways. One of the company's representatives contacted me via email to say that having read my blog, Now had re-published the image of Kelly and I as nature intended, restoring my rightful status as heir to the throne of Z-listery (410,114,184th in line). "Apologies for the confusion," read the note. "Please let me know if you spot anything else."
Some famous rocker's daughter and Rory Reid
Actually, Now, I have spotted something. Now you've dragged me kicking and screaming into the realm of the showbiz elite, I can no longer lead a normal life. I must now shop in Marks & Spencer, lest the redtops spot me slumming it in my local Safeway. This morning I had to leave the house wearing sunglasses and a large hat to ensure I wasn't recognised by awaiting paparazzi.
Unfortunately, one audacious pap had slept overnight in the Porsche daddy bought me and, possibly still sozzled on free champagne from the previous evening at China White, I didn't spot the camera-wielding blighter until it was too late.
My newfound stardom has begun to affect my relationships with those around me. Jealous CNET UK colleagues have begun refusing to do lunch, and my girlfriend demands to know my whereabouts every second of the day, in case I'm involved in an illicit love tryst with Scarlett Johansson, Angelina Jolie or both of them simultaneously in a hot tub.
Now's Judas kiss of fame does have its benefits. Women secretly contemplate throwing their underwear at me even more than they did before, and I can now get away with wearing sunglasses indoors and even at night.
But they can't make up for the ultimate downside: us celebs die younger. We become the victims of our own seductive appeal, burn out and pass before our time. What Now has done is to make me the Elvis of laptop reviews, the Tupac of Car Tech, the Heath Ledger of CNET UK. Now has killed me.
I might as well put the netbooks down, shave half my head and make a sex tape with Jude Law's nanny. I hope you're happy, Now.
Comments on this post
I love it :D soon you'll be Jordan's target for her "new man" since she's gone through every other z-list celeb :)
Posted by Andy Blackheart on Thu 13 August, 2009 3:48 PM
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That's one of the best puns i've ever seen worked into a title
Posted by Fred on Fri 14 August, 2009 8:58 AM
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This is what qualifies for CNET these days? What a waste of space.
Posted by Mike on Sat 31 October, 2009 10:04 PM
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Articles by Rory Reid
MSI GT740 and GT640: Flamin' fast, polygon flingin' laptops
Crave MSI has just unleashed the GT640 and the GT740 -- a couple of gaming laptops designed to fling polygons around faster than monkeys fling poo
Last.fm interview: Behind the music
Photo Last.fm has streamed an incredible 275,000 years of audio around the world. That's just one astonishing factoid we gleaned from our exclusive interview with Last.fm's Matthew Ogle
Acer Aspire One D250 Android
Review The 10.1-inch Aspire One D250 Android is a netbook with a difference. It not only has Windows XP installed but also Android, which allows you to quickly boot the system for access to rudimentary apps, such as a Web browser. Its battery life is good, and it's an attractive machine too
Pre-release 'Motorola Droid' turns up on eBay
Crave Desperate for a brand new Motorola Droid? Fret not, because someone's listing a pre-release model, or something purporting as such, on the auction site eBay
Food Watcher: Lose weight using mild electrocution
Crave Up yours, sensible eating and regular exercise! We've just discovered the Food Watcher -- a gadget that miraculously suppresses your appetite
Gmote: Control your PC with your phone
Crave We think the future might finally be now, and it's all down to apps such as Gmote, which let you control the mouse, keyboard and files on your PC using your Android mobile phone.
Behold: The Facebook 'magic circles' trick
Crave Fed up with Facebook? No, we didn't think so, but why not take a break from stalking your exes to try out this bizarre and pointless trick?
Lenovo X100e is a bundle of netbook joy
Crave Rejoice, for word of a new Lenovo netbook, known as the X100e, has just oozed from the gaping fissure in the electronic cosmos that is the Internet
