Nate Lanxon

Monday 21 September 2009, 4:05pm

Who the hell buys Crane Simulator games?

If you've exhausted every adrenaline-lined avenue of excitement thrown your way in life, perhaps it's time to sample the very latest in high-octane industrial lifting-machine simulation. Behold: Crane Simulator 2009 is now available!

While you scoop your jaws from the floor, let me confirm something I needed confirming to me a few moments ago: the game actually exists. Someone, somewhere, genuinely goes to Amazon looking to emulate the life of a crane operative.

What I want to know is, who? And more to the point, why?

Excitement-building fail
"You will even need to prove your worth on the night shift," the box naively exclaims, almost as if it was advertising something that involved chatting to a group of over-sexed girls 10 minutes before the world exploded.

I mean, if there's one thing I really don't miss about working in a factory in my late teens, it's the getting up at 6pm to go to work for 12 hours while all my friends were asleep. Really, I did that. Here's proof in the form of me, aged 18, in overalls.

Nate, 18, justifying his hatred of night shifts

So what's next? Factory Operative Simulator? Underpaid Chinese Sweatshop Simulator? No, it's actually Digger Simulator -- the other Excalibur Publishing title that landed on GameSpot UK's desks this afternoon.

Obviously, when I was born, I lacked the developmental prowess to form the part of my brain that causes people to enjoy simulating repetitive construction work. And for that, I apologise to anyone I offend with my ignorance. But I do, in all honesty, want to know what it is about a game such as Crane Simulator that some people find so compelling.

The comments are open. And incidentally, the game is out now for Windows PCs. The copy on my desk, however, will remain sealed until my dying day.

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